To be Good


I so want to be good,
but in your eyes am not;
there I am reflected -
twisted, fallen, failed.

I cannot please you now,
nor ever be able;
failing expectations,
sadly, I am but me.

I am not who I was -
hopeful and innocent;
instead I am older,
aged beyond my years.

I feel older than you,
for i understand you;
but you cannot ever,
hope to understand me.

You look and see a child,
the child you once possessed -
that child died long ago;
he will never come back.

So many great struggles,
battles I fight daily;
but I hide them from you -
you cannot handle them.

Knowing me would hurt you;
knowing what you have done,
the pain I have faced,
all the years you ignored.

So I fight in silence,
protecting you always;
you cannot handle me,
so I must be stronger.

And if I seem evil,
please grant me forgiveness;
you cannot understand,
but still I beg pardon.



(c) 2002 Robert H. Harrison