Make your own free website on Tripod.com

Did you ever have a dream that was so beautiful it was painful? It expressed everything you wanted in your life, and though some things carried over from your past that will always pain you, it was the closest thing to perfection you ever experienced, so good your mind accepted it as reality and you were truly happy.

Then you wake up. Your mind revolts against the realization it was a dream and grasps at the fading strands of happiness in that lost reality, and you realize you can't remember what true happiness is like.

I was going out to a movie with my childhood crush. I haven't seen her much in years, only enough to know what she now looks like. We were in our early 20's, and the dream was particularly strange since we don't have anything in common anymore or see each other.

After the movie she invited me back to her home with her family, to watch a movie. At her home I got along well with her family, but I could tell she was waiting until they went to bed to put on the movie. Finally they left for bed, having no problem with leaving us alone to watch our movie.

We sat close together on the floor in some kind of tent, and I pulled out the partition to be right next to her. I wanted to put my arm around her, but could not because of all of my bad memories of a failed relationship and the pain and fear still effecting me.

As we watched I stared at her and felt wonderful being close to her. I was truly happy, but wanted to tell her all about my past and all the hurt I'd suffered and to be held by her and hold her. After time went by, she seemed annoyed at my behaviour, whether from holding back from putting my arm around her or talking to her at all, I couldn't tell.

She looked at me and told me it was time that I left. I wanted to explain my behaviour to her, and started telling her how much I loved her and all the pain I'd felt. Then I woke up. I tried going back to sleep a number of times, to maintain the illusion I was right next to her regaining her love. Finally I woke up for good and realized it was all an illusion, and a fleeting fantasy of happiness.

It is probably the most painfuld dream I have ever had, because it was my happiest. It dumped me back into a reality so far different from it that I had trouble coping with it, after feeling true happiness.